Building a Slow Burn
And fewer attempts to hot-wire relationship building
What do I mean by abandoning the desire to attempt to hot-wire relationship building?
Recently, a few observations have popped up around how we are trying to use apps - dating specifically and others as well - to try and streamline and optimize relationship building. We want to build connections quickly, using a cookie-cutter process, in a way that might fit easily into pre-defined templates and roles.
I too want this. I like the idea of hot-wiring a relationship with a spark of connection and an immediate switch from stranger to a mutual connection quickly and with minimal mess.
But I don’t think humans work like that. As much as we’d like to.
So, how do we build a slow burn? How do we play the long game?
Some thoughts:
- Explore my needs and dig into understanding the problem or challenge.
- Consider if the choices and trade-offs are likely to lead me toward a satisfying outcome or a potential relationship
- Leverage proximity, familiarity, similarity, self-disclosure, and most importantly, time.
- Show up with patience. Don’t rush.
- Let decisions be temporary. Be willing to change my mind.
- Follow my energy, explore with curiosity, and be relentlessly honest with myself.
What do you think? Do you tend to try and hot-wire relationship building? How might or do you work to build a slow burn?
